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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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Then, I get a call from my buddy. He’s like, “Yo, let’s hit up the beach!” I’m like, “Sure, why not?” So, I hop in my car and drive down to Playa de Penuelas. The drive is nice, but the traffic on PR-2 is a nightmare! I’m sittin’ there, just fumin’. Why is everyone and their grandma on the road today?

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